Step 3 – As Often As Needed
I have learned that turning my will and my life over to God is not a one time event. I’ve heard some people give talks and say that it has been like that for them–a one time, flip of a switch, deal. But for me, for whatever reason, I have to do it continually. I have to be turning to the Lord daily, even hourly–sometimes every few minutes when the temptations of the Liar, Satan are really attacking me.
For me recovery has been a journey of learning that I must be in surrender to the truth that there are certain activities, certain substances that I can’t deal with like the average person deals with them. I really don’t want to get up every morning and admit that I have to go to extraordinary measures to function sanely around certain circumstances and substances in my life. But, apparently, that is God’s will for my life.
Phil believes (feels God has revealed to him) that the Lord gave him his sexual addiction so that it would require him to humble himself and seek his Savior as often as needed. For me it is my inclination to eat unhealthy kinds or quantities of food. That is the most constant note on the keyboard that Satan pounds on for me.
And the hymn, “I Need Thee Every Hour” never stops being my “hymn of choice.” Does that make me bad? Does that make me broken?
I too, have the Lord’s merciful, loving witness to my heart and mind that I am not an unworthy person because I have been given this challenge in mortality (Ether 12:27). When I act out, it isn’t Him that forsakes me, but me that forsakes me (and Him). Instead, He invites me to be humble and cling to Him in my mind (while I go about my everyday activities) and to be like Alma the younger and need Him the way Alma did (Alma 36:18) every day.
Now, the question is, Will I humble myself? Will I let go of the prideful, judgmental attitude that I have towards myself for being THIS needy?
In other words Step Three never ends for me . . .