FOR THE ADDICT: When an addict feels able and empowered to begin to repair the damage of the past, he or she may find that there are some relationships with loved ones that have been “slain,” irreparably damaged. This is the reality that the prophet Jacob lamented when he wrote of the “hearts that had died, pierced with deep wounds.” (Jacob 2:35) Even here, though, there is no need for despair if we will believe that Jesus Christ is “the resurrection and the life.”
John 11:25—Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live.
AND FOR THE LOVED ONE, AS WELL: If the loved one of an addict can in truth (genuine honesty) humble themselves and come unto Christ through the personal application of the true principles in the 12 Steps, they, too, can experience this miracle of resurrection in their own lives, in their own souls. In other words, just like there is power in Christ to resurrect (restore, recover) an addict from their addiction, He can also resurrect a loved one’s love for the addict. He can place in the family member a new heart towards their addicted loved one. He can restore them to a degree of love that they have never known before because it is a degree of love that they could never generate on their own. In other words, He can give them His love for their addicted loved one. But He can only do this if the loved one really wants Him to.
This is where a spouse or other family member/loved one must turn inward and examine their own conscience, his or her own deepest, truest feelings. In 12 Step language this is referred to as “doing your own inventory.” You must ask yourself with piercing honesty, do I really want to have love for the addict reignited in my heart? Or is the truth–my truth–that I can’t honestly go on with this person? Am I just too burned out, used up? Have I come to the end of myself? Or am I willing to allow Christ work this miracle is me, equal to the miracle He can and will work in my addicted loved one?
Admittedly, facing this degree of personal truth is very hard. It took me many years to surrender to the paradoxical truth I had refused to accept for years: Sometimes there is no honest life left in a relationship, and you must allow the Lord to take you forward into a new reality.
It is my testimony, borne out of my lived experience that one way or the other, the Savior can bring us through such a season of sorrow and confusion into a new and renewed life. It will take time, but if we seek His Spirit and His Presence, His companionship, we can be sure He will lead us into what Alma called, “a far better land of promise.”
For just as surely as this director did bring our fathers, by following its course, to the promised land, shall the words of Christ, if we follow their course, carry us beyond this vale of sorrow into a far better land of promise. (Alma 37:45)